Vegan “Cheese” Crackers

I live… shall we say… in a bit of a vegan bubble. My fridge and my pantry are always stocked with a fine selection of vegan dupes which makes me forget sometimes that I don’t live in a vegan world. This is both a blessing and a curse. It’s a blessing because it means that I’m not missing out on anything that I love by being vegan. It also means that I’m not surrounded by cruelty constantly in my own home. But it’s also a curse because I’ll see chicken on a menu and for a split second I’ll assume that it simply must be Gardein or something because, in my little bubble, all chicken is “chicken.” #IfOnly

The other day at “Tarjeh” I experienced this very thing as I stood in front of a wall of cheese crackers that were on sale -note I said cheese and not “cheese.” For a moment I found myself trying to figure out which variety to get. Then, not 5 seconds later, I snapped out of my bubble and literally said out loud, “oh, none of these are vegan.”

Sure, you can find vegan versions of the crackers I was looking at but, on that particular day, there were none to be found. That’s the day this recipe was born. Necessity, as they say, is the… well, I don’t know how that saying goes but you know what I mean. I was hankerin’ for “cheese” crackers and so I made “cheese” crackers. Now, I feel as though I should interject a warning here: these things are highly addictive! They are crunchy, savory, salty, and so satisfying. They have not 1 but 4 different “cheeses” in the mix -plus, there’s some nooch in there too for even more “cheesy” flavor!

It all gets started in a large bowl where some melted “butter” gets mixed together with some softened (almost melted) “cream cheese,” and Ener-G Egg Replacer for 2 eggs.

Once those things are all smooth then it’s time to add in some nooch, “cheddar” shreds, “mozzarella” shreds, “Parmesan” shreds, and a whole slew of seasonings. Look at all of that “cheesy” goodness! #HeartEyes

Next comes the flours –coconut flour and all-purpose flour. I originally wanted to do all coconut flour, because it is super healthy for you (low-carb, high fiber, etc.), but found that I personally liked the crackers better with just a wee bit of all-purpose flour thrown in there too. After the flours have been mixed in it is time to actually make our dough look like crackers!

Dust your clean counter top, or a pastry board, with a little all-purpose flour then you’re going to roll out your dough into a very thin sheet. Ideally, you’re aiming for the thickness of a traditional cracker which is around 2/16-3/16 of an inch thick. If you don’t get it thin enough then the edges of each cracker will be crispy but the middles will be kind of biscuit like so take your time with this part and do it right. If the dough begins to stick to the work surface, or the rolling pin, then it’s okay to add a little more flour as needed.

Once the dough has been rolled out, use a knife, pizza cutter, or ravioli wheel, to trim the dough down into a rectangular or square shape and then to cut that shape down into bite size pieces about an inch square in size. You could also use say… a mini fish cookie cutter… if you wanted to please the young’uns, or old’uns like me who still eat like young’uns, but this is completely optional! When the crackers have been cut out they can carefully be transferred with the help of a spatula to a parchment paper-lined sheet pan. (You don’t want them to touch but they can be pretty close to one another since they won’t really rise or spread during the baking process.) Continue to roll out whatever dough you have remaining, and cutting it into crackers, until you have all of your crackers cut out and then it’s time to bake ’em up!

Pop your sheet pan into a preheated 450 degree oven and bake the crackers for about 5-8 minutes on each side. You’re looking for them to be pretty dark in color -almost burnt in some spots. When they’re done, transfer them to a cooling rack and allow them to cool completely before serving.